Book Excerpt From the World's Funniest Tax Advice Book Ever #2
EXCERPT FROM INTRODUCTION OF THE BOOK:
WILL GETS CAUGHT BY THE IRS
My name is Will E. Wonk and right now I’m suffering from a serious case of heartache. If you think it is due to the elimination of my fantasy football team in the second round of the playoffs, then you are close, but wrong. As long as I can remember, my mom always told me that I’m the smartest person in the world. Never mind that I was a career B+ average student from kindergarten to college. She thought if I received a B then it must be due to my teacher’s poor performance. Maybe this is why all my past girlfriends called me a “Momma’s Boy.” Forget those chicks, what do they know anyway? However, today I’m mad at myself, my mom and the IRS. I’m mad at myself because after 27 years, I just learned that I’m really not the smartest person in the world. I’m mad at my mom for lying to me for 27 years. Finally, I’m mad at the IRS for not allowing me to get away with filing a fraudulent tax return.
Before you plan me a surprise pity-party, allow me to explain how I got into this mess. About three years ago, I met Sally, the love of my life. We met during our senior year of college at New York University. Sally is intelligent, beautiful, independent, funny and religious. In other words, I believe that she is the definition of the perfect woman (at least for me). As I mentioned before, my mom made me believe that I was a genius. Therefore, I decided to propose to Sally only after one year of dating. My main concern with the proposal was how to pay for the engagement ring. At the time, I was a recent college graduate and broke. The day after my graduation, my student loan company sent me a nice congratulatory repayment notice. During the year that I proposed, it was also the first time I was required to file a federal income tax return due to my entry-level marketing position. It was my job to make sure that my boss received his fix of expensive coffee every fifteen minutes.
Instead of using my parent’s long-time tax accountant, I decided to do my own taxes using an online tax preparation program. When I initially finished my tax return, I was getting back a respectable $1,000 tax refund. Then greed reared its ugly head and I decided that I could pay for Sally’s engagement ring by increasing the income tax withheld on my W-2, which showed $3,000. So I fudged the numbers a bit and filed my tax returns, stating that my job withheld $8,000 in federal taxes for 2010. This resulted in a refund of $6,000! Therefore, I received an extra $5,000 that I was not entitled to.
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